Today...at the hour of greatest despair and loss of human dignity...

came the most wonderful inspiration! MY friends!

I haven't been feeling well last night, in fact I was feeling utterly wretched. I had one of the biggest falling out with one of my family members. We just don't seem to see eye to eye, not that we ever did ... not only that but we had one of the most demoralizing fights imaginable. I never think I will be able to look at that person the same way again. Although my love is unconditional, I know that apart of me really wishes it can hate a deep and passionate hate. So, you guessed it, I went to bed quite weepy... and after several hours of being unable to cry myself to sleep I think I took a sleeping pill but in liquid form. I awoke this morning blurry eyed and blotchy. Unable to look at my tear swollen face in the mirror, I made my way downstairs to fix myself my usual pick me up. Raisin bran cereal, fresh cut strawberries, a quarter of an apple and of course strawberry soy milk since I cannot drink regular milk. I ran into the object of my wishful hate in the kitchen and although I couldn't hate this person fully I still couldn't face them. My cereal, didn't end up doing the trick and my shell shocked self scurried into the shower and wished that no one heard me sobbing through the rush of the water. I waited for everyone to leave before I re-emerged... I decided that there is no use in crying over spilled milk and tried to focus my attention on looking very presentable for no apparent reason. I did my make up so I looked fresh and vibrant and I put on a very power oriented outfit and I walked out the door trying to look like I was worth a million dollars when in reality, I didn't even feel worth 1 cent. I cannot believe how one person can make you feel like crap, like a waste of human life. Not only was I feeling this absolute despair, it was brought on by a person who should have been there for me, but then again there have been other instances so I should not have been so surprised.

Anyhow upon getting to my psych lecture, I was still my miserable self and the lecture topic didn't really help because it reflected so much of what I was going through, that I thought I would break down in tears and cry right then and there in front of about 400 people. I even thought of leaving the lecture several times and locking myself in one of those unsanitary public bathrooms and weeping for the rest of the day. And just as I was packing up my bag, I noticed that my phone had a missed call and a text on it. I quickly realised that my lovely boyfriend had tried to reach me just 20 minutes earlier and as soon as the first half of the 3 hour lecture was over I dashed into the foyer and called him. He quickly started to explain to me that he was trying to get me a Telus plan that would match a really good deal of another friend of mine. I was still cross and I think that I came off that way over the phone too. But as soon as I hung up, I realised what a relief it was hearing his voice. I was suddenly shaken out of my gloomy world, into one where I knew that no matter what happens in life, there are always other people who will treat me with the decency and respect of a human being. Thank God For Friends.At that moment the Psych lecture hit home. We are social beings and no matter what happens we need each other to function. We need the warmth and compassion of others to propel us forward on this great big journey we call life. We will never be able to please everyone nor should we try because this attempt will only prove futile. Instead we should surround ourselves with loving, caring people who might not always be perfect but they will help us achieve inner perfection. It is only through the eyes of others that we will be able to see our perfect selves. We are beautiful inside and out, but we often are way to0 critical of ourselves to see how truly wonderful our flawed self is in existence in the world. We need others to fulfil us and give us meaning, we need others to help us and steer us in the right direction. So be careful when you choose your friends. Don't choose on the basis of the outer exterior or by the amount of hot air one holds, but by the amount of room one has in ones heart.

Wow, I think that, my friends, my boyfriend would call cheeeeeeesyyyyy. I realised that my friends are the family that is with me not because they have to be but because they want to be. My very dear friend Patty, took the bus with me, to the doctors office which is a good 1 1/2 hour journey in itself not because she had to nor that she actually felt like it. In fact, she seemed like she should have been in bed sleeping the whole day, but she went with me anyway because I'm a chicken and I don't like doctors. She went because, whether she knows it or not, she sensed my vulnerability and she protects me from it. I know in time of need shes got my back.That is the power of friendship, that is truly in my opinion unconditional love... ( Patty if you are reading this... xoxoxox... thank you).

So in closing, my friends are a big part of my identity and without them I would surely have been lost in the abyss.

"The world would be so lonely, in sunny hours or gray. Without the gift of friendship, to help us every day."

- Hilda Brett Farr

Toronto Earth Hour

Yesterday at 7:30 Toronto Kicked off its Earth hour day, with the performance of Karl Wolf's Africa. Although the event was not as widely spread as facebook showed, Nathan Philip Square was still jammed packed with people from every culture and every age. Tiny tots were warmly nestled in the arms of their parents and elderly couples were holding hands while jamming to Suzie's closing act. Although not all of Toronto, had its lights turned off at 8:30, it still manged to register a 15% decrease of power on the power grid.
I was standing behind a few teenagers who were not very pleased with the fact that the buildings around Nathan Philip Sqaure didnt turn off all their lights. Infact they started to bad mouth the whole event. But in my opinion a little change even a 15% change is good change. That isnt to say that we should settle for 15% of change everytime. We should go for the full hundered percent in anything we do in life, but sometimes baby steps arent that bad either. I have learned that in life we cannot control everyone around us even if they give us their word. We can only exercise power over ourselves and hopefully those around us will follow in our wake.

Those that say that one person cant make a difference are very bad students of history. Infact through out history, there have been individuals who have made positive contributions to society such as Mother Teresa and those that have negatively affected the world such as Hitler. But both have had an impact and both came from humble beginings, so the moral of the story is; It doesnt matter where you start and how small you are, what matters is where you are going and what your intentions are. If you have a passion or even an idea that can help change the world for the better, even if it is putting your cardboard boxes and paper in the recycle bin than go for it. And remember;


`No One is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality!`
- Think and Grow Rich

Good Job Toronto - Next Year lets reach 50%!

Introduction

Hello,
Sometimes I feel as though, people have lost their minds. Obsessing over things that have no actual benefit to survival or the actual pursuit of happiness. The concentration on material objects, false success and relationships that look good on paper are leading to the loss of ones self and ones enjoyedment of life.

I have created this blog in the hopes of finding myself and my inspirations. I hope that I will have enough discipline to update it regularly and with openness and honesty. I have undertaken this task for one simple reason; myself. I have found over the course of several years that there are a lot of people out there who are not happy with what they do and what they stand for and over the course of my short life I have been a strong advocate of being incharge of your own life and your own dreams. Somehow getting through depression and several illnesses, I have managed to learn valuable lessons of taking it easy and taking care of oneself. But unfortunatly I have forgotten to take care of my mental well-being. In the process of battling for my health, I have lost a very important part of myself. My identity. So now I will undertake the journey of bettering myself and my reality. I will start doing the things that I have always dreamed I will but never actually took the steps to realizing them.

Here is one of my favorites - cioa

Our Greatest Fear
Our deepest fear us bit that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not outr darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be Brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson